Mental Health
7 reasons you can’t meditate and what to do about it
Author and Mindfulness Meditation teacher, Sarah Presley, shares some of the common obstacles we may encounter when beginning a meditation practice, and how we can best overcome them.
You may wish to learn to mediate and have already recognised how it can help your life, but you may be worried it will take up too much of your time, energy, and motivation. Perhaps you are planning to read this through and then do the meditation practice when you create some spare time in your life – on your next holiday, or when work calms down a bit. Or you are hoping life will become a bit calmer before you can ‘life’ better, but underneath you may already feel guilty about spending time on yourself.
You might have decided you are not the right ‘type’ of person to meditate as you are not very calm and won’t be able to silence your mind. Perhaps you are concerned you don’t have the right equipment or space to do it in. Or you may be frightened of change.
Here, we are going to address obstacles that may be getting in the way of doing something new.
7 reasons you can’t meditate and what to do about it
‘I feel guilty if I spend any time on myself’
You will not have been born into this feeling of guilt about spending time on yourself, but along the way it may have been ingrained into your psyche. Perhaps you now consider the idea selfish or self-indulgent, or that spare time should be spent with family or catching up on work deadlines, or even DIY projects. Maybe your inner critic casts shameful judgments on you for even thinking about having any time to yourself, telling you it is a clear sign that you don’t appreciate your family, job, or home.
To put a ‘selfish’ label on yourself would imply you are doing something for yourself at the expense of others – but this couldn’t be further from the truth. Putting the needs of everyone else before yourself can result in you becoming drained and unhappy. Surely this way of living comes at your expense?
Meditation is an investment in yourself. If the techniques help you to feel calm, relaxed, and less stressed, this will benefit everyone around you. By meditating, you are creating a win-win situation for you and the people you care about.
‘I’m not sure I have time to fit this in’
There are not enough hours in the day to get things done as it is, and now you are going to be adding something extra. Just the thought can bring a wave of anxiety. But what if you were more effective with your time? Many people who meditate report that they are able to manage their time much more effectively – and scientific research shows that it may lead to better focus and levels of concentration.
When we are children, we often can’t see the importance of cleaning our teeth – but as adults we commit to it at least a couple of times a day as we see it as a practical investment in gum health. Is there any reason why you couldn’t think the same about your mental and physical health? Rather than adding it onto the never-ending list of jobs, why not schedule it in and make it a priority? It doesn’t need to take up lots of time – you can always start small and begin to build up. Plus, when you meditate you may find you are able to tackle all your other tasks more easily.
There isn’t a perfect time to meditate; it really is going to be down to you to create a small amount of time to do it. Some people find it best to meditate in the morning and some even set their alarm a little earlier. Some meditate in the evening before going to bed, some at lunchtime. If you do it at the same time every day, it makes it easier to commit to it regularly.
‘I can’t silence my mind’
If you are consumed with overwhelming thoughts on a daily basis and you haven’t found the ‘off’ switch, how are you going be able to stop the incessant chatter when you meditate?
Our brains are designed to process the stimuli around us so trying to force your mind into silence can cause quite a bit of stress. It is believed we have between 40,000 to 80,000 thoughts and feelings per day, some of which are positive, some negative, but most are quite mundane and form the chitter-chattering backdrop of your processing mind. These thoughts are not interesting enough to form an attachment to.
Meditation is not about silencing the mind. Instead, you will be offering your mind a concentrated focus, such as your breath or a word. At some point, maybe after only a few seconds, your mind will naturally become distracted by a thought, feeling, sound or an ache or pain in the body. Once you realise you have become distracted, without judging yourself, you gently come back to the concentrated focus.
With the practice of returning to the concentrated focus, you begin to notice there are pauses which occur between thoughts. Normally we are too busy to notice they exist. But with meditation you will have the space to witness this pause and view it as a natural silence which exists within you.
‘I’m not a calm person’
Perhaps you feel you are a fiery and reactive person –the opposite to the uber calm and peaceful person who is sat cross-legged in a beautiful setting next to a still lake. These are the images depicted by the media who are attempting to sell you a lifestyle. In reality, most people who seek out meditation are looking to curb their strong reactions.
The mindfulness part of the practice allows you space between what is happening and your reaction, enabling you to see that you have choice over what you hold on to and what you let go. On top of the physiological changes that meditation can bring, you will begin to feel much more able to connect with the calm and peaceful feelings which also reside within you.
‘I can’t sit in a lotus position’
Sitting in lotus position involves placing both feet on opposite thighs. Through many years of yoga training this can be achieved (or if you have flexible hips) – but is not a necessity for the practice itself.
The idea behind this position is to set a grounded mountain posture for the practice: your buttocks and the balancing of your knees on the floor offer a tripod effect so the body can sit in a natural way above it – just like the mountain sits above its base. You can achieve the same grounded effect by sitting on a cushion, stool, or even a chair.
Not all meditations are in sitting posture; some can be done lying down or through movement. To start with, a chair will most likely feel comfortable, plus your practice will feel much more portable (if you associate meditation with lying down, you might always feel you will have to lie down to be able to do it).
With a sitting practice you will be able to meditate on a train, plane, in the car (not while driving!) –anywhere and everywhere.
Here are some tips to get you started in a sitting chair posture:
To create a sense of being grounded, place both feet on the floor. If your feet do not reach the floor, place them on a cushion. Bring awareness to the contact points of your feet and the surface they are on.
- Sit up straight, but not in a rigid way – think of pebbles that have been stacked on top of one another on a beach. That is how you want to picture your back, with the natural curvature at the bottom of your spine. You can always place a cushion behind your back should you need the extra support.
- Let your hands rest naturally on your thighs, palms facing up or down. Or if you prefer, you can cup one hand over the other or clasp them together. Allow your chin to be tilted slightly down.
- Relax your shoulders and allow them to slip down and away from your ears. Relax your jaw (if your jaw is tense, it is likely all the other joints in your body will be tense too). You can always give your jaw a little wriggle to loosen any tension.
- Rest your eyes on a fixed spot on the floor or wall, or you can close your eyes. If you choose to have your eyes open, allow your gaze to be soft and relaxed.
‘What if I am not any good at it, I do it wrong, or it doesn’t work for me?’
We often have a fear of failure when starting something new. We can also fear success. Society has given us this measure, so we often label things as ‘good’ or ‘bad’, ‘right’ or ‘wrong’. But this goal-oriented approach of being a success or being good at something doesn’t work within a mediation practice. In fact, these labels will act like a stop sign in the moment-to-moment flow of the practice.
The truth of the practice is sometimes you will find it easy to maintain focus: you may feel ‘in the zone’ and even when your mind is distracted it will feel easy to bring it back to the focus again. But sometimes the practice will be hard, with an ever-increasing circle of thoughts swirling around in an interlocking chain. This may create feelings of annoyance and irritation with yourself, leading to a tensing of your body. You might even feel as if the volume has been turned up on every sound – ones you hadn’t ever noticed before. And then your clothes start to feel heavy on your skin and you can feel the fabric of your socks between your toes!
It doesn’t mean it is not working – nor that you are doing it wrong, it is just how this moment in the practice is unfolding. Quite often, when it is hard, you are actually learning lots about the practice itself and your own reactions. And remember, when you are able to see this, you will begin to realise you have space and choice in how you wish to respond.
Meditation is training your attention, so the key is how you treat yourself within the practice. If your mind wanders a thousand times, the moment you notice you gently bring it back a thousand times. That is the true essence of meditating.
‘I’m frightened it will change me’
Change can feel scary for most of us. Rather than changing you, it is a set of tools to help you notice what is happening so you can navigate your life better. You will not be adopting a new personality overnight, as it is an evolving practice and you evolve with it.
There is no pressure to change; you will simply notice what is taking place moment to moment instead. To use the phrase by author Susan Jeffers, sometimes you just have to ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’.
Extracted from Sarah Presley’s book, Making Friends With Yourself: A Practical Guide on How Meditation Can Take You From Overwhelm to an Inner Calm. Find out more about Sarah at sarahpresley.co.uk.
