We’ve been conditioned to fear ageing. From anti-ageing creams to the relentless pursuit of youth, our culture treats getting older as something to resist, delay, or deny. But what if that very mindset is the most dangerous thing about ageing?
Research from Yale University has uncovered something remarkable: the beliefs we hold about getting older could be adding or subtracting years from our lives.
Dr Kerry Burnight is a gerontologist who has dedicated her career to understanding what separates people who thrive in later life from those who merely survive. Here’s what she’s discovered.
Stream the episode above, or listen via Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
Your mindset could cost you 7.5 years
Research from Yale University shows that people who view aging as inevitable decline live on average 7.5 years shorter than those who embrace it as continued growth.
Dr Burnight explains why this matters: “When you believe the lie that it’s all downhill, you stop engaging. You stop learning. You stop putting yourself out there and challenging your brain and body.” The belief becomes self-fulfilling.
Crucially, while genetics account for just 13-25% of how we age, our mindset and daily practices shape the remaining 75%.
Prioritise your “joyspan”
We’ve become focused on lifespan (how long we live) and healthspan (how long we’re healthy). But Dr Burnight argues the most important measure is joyspan – how much contentment and life satisfaction we pack into our years.
“A long life, even a long life in great physical health, doesn’t mean much if you don’t like your life,” she writes in her book Joyspan: A Short Guide to Enjoying Your Long Life.
Joyspan isn’t about waiting until retirement to enjoy life – it’s about cultivating contentment at every stage.
Get better with age
Contrary to the anti-aging narrative, many abilities genuinely improve in later life. Problem-solving capacity increases thanks to neurological integration and decades of accumulated experience.
Dr Burnight cites research showing potential for greater appreciation of music, art, and nature, alongside reduced concern about others’ opinions – a genuinely liberating shift.
Don’t overthink purpose
UCLA research shows that people with purpose live longer. But, according to Dr Burnight, finding a sense of purpose is much simpler than we might think: “It’s small, daily and often invisible,” she explains.
She gives the example of an 83-year-old widow who insisted she had nothing to offer, before eventually admitting she had lemons from her backyard tree. She began leaving them on a neighbour’s doorstep. That small gesture sparked conversation, revealed the neighbour’s loneliness, and grew into a meaningful friendship.
Loneliness is a health crisis
Studies show that feeling lonely – defined as wanting more social connection than you currently have – is as detrimental to health as smoking 14 cigarettes per day.
The solution requires proactive effort, says Dr Burnight, but her patients often complain that nobody invites them out or makes plans, yet haven’t extended invitations themselves.
She recommends the Dunbar’s circles exercise: draw a bullseye with yourself at the centre, then list five people in the closest ring whom you could call in crisis. If that ring isn’t full, it’s time to build connections deliberately.
Diversifying your social portfolio across different ages strengthens resilience too – friendships with both older and younger people provide mutual benefit and protection against isolation.
